Fish: A Comedy in One Act

The Scene: A Winning Smile Orthdontics, waiting room
The Cast: Diane, Julie, Dr. McDevitt, miscellaneous patient
The Time: present day

Patient: Gross! There's a dead fish in your fish tank!
Julie: Oh no. I'm sorry. We'll take care of that at lunchtime today.
Dr. McDevitt: Diane, fish that dead fish out of the fish tank.
Diane: No, thank you.
Dr. McDevitt: (silence, because she's already left)
Diane: (silence, thinking about the last time she had to fish a dead fish out of the tank)

At lunch time:

Diane (armed with gloves on both hands, several paper towels and a fish scoop): takes lid off fish tank to get out the dead fish. It was difficult to find, as it wasn't in the same place Julie told her it was. Finally finding it, she got into the fish tank up to her elbow and scooped up the fish, dumping it into a cup.
Diane: Eek (upon finding that the fish in the bottom of the cup is still breathing)
Diane: Here you go (putting fish back into the tank; she watches with dismay as it begins to swim . . . upside down and very sickly)
Diane: Julie! This fish is not dead!
Julie: You're right.
Diane calls Dr. McDevitt
Diane: Dr, the fish isn't dead. It looks pretty sick, but it's still breathing.
Dr. McDevitt: Just flush it down the toilet.
Diane: Dr! I can't! I can't kill the fish!
Dr. McDevitt: I'll look at it later.

Later

Dr. McDevitt: Well, Diane, you fish the fish out, and I'll flush it down the toilet.
Diane: Dr, I don't think I can do that.
Dr. McDevitt: Think of it as euthanasia.
Diane: But I don't approve of euthanasia.
Dr. McDevitt: Neither do I.
Julie: You'll be an accessory to murder!
Dr. McDevitt: It will be fine. Just get the fish out.
Diane (armed with gloves on both hands, several paper towels and a fish scoop): takes lid off fish tank to get out the dead fish. It was difficult to find, as it wasn't in the same place as before.
Dr. McDevitt (hysterically laughing): You have a hand glove on, but you're in water up to your elbow! Ha ha!
Diane: Finally finding it, she got into the fish tank up to her elbow and scooped up the fish, dumping it into a cup.
Diane: Here you go, Dr.
Dr. McDevitt: takes fish away.
Diane: It's still breathing.
Julie: Not anymore.

THE END